Jokes

Here is a buncha jokes in random order.

Hipsters

I called a couple people hipsters and they got mad at me. They like to be called conjoined twins instead.

Valentine’s Day

My wife just called me and said, “Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentine’s Day. They are absolutely gorgeous!” I replied, “That’s probably why they’ve received flowers then.”

Fish Headache

What did the fish say after he swam into a concrete wall? Dam!

Pet names

I call my wife Bambi.  ​She thinks it’s because she’s cute with big brown eyes. But it’s really because I want someone to shoot her mother with a hunting rifle.

Discount

What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip off.

Rorschach Test

How come when i google image search “rorschach test”, i just see 40 images of my parents fighting?

Donate Blood

Man: “When I donate blood I do not extract it myself. A nurse does it for me.” Receptionist: “Yes, but this is a sperm bank and it doesn’t work that way.”

Blind Man

A blind man walks into a bar. After ordering a drink, the blind guy yells to the bartender, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?” The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, […]

Yo mamma so fat

​Yo mamma so fat… I swerved my car to avoid hitting her and ran out of gas.

The gift that keeps on giving

If you want to give a friend a gift he is sure to love, give him a refrigerator and watch his face light up when he opens it.