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Jokes

Gene manipulation

What do you get when you mix Goat DNA and Human DNA?

Kicked out of the petting zoo.

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Jokes

Orphan

I passed a kid on the street.  He was sitting on the curb and dressed in rags.

II asked him, “Are you an orphan?

He replied, “Yes. What gave me away?

I said, “Your parents.”

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Jokes

Funny Smell

Don’t you hate it when you’re driving along smoking a cigarette, you flick it out the window and you drive for a couple more miles and smell something funny and you look over onto the back seat and sure enough, grandma is fingering herself again.

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Light bulb

How many midgets does it take to change a lightbulb?

One with a step-ladder. They’re short, not stupid.

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Library

A midget asks the librarian,”Do you have any books on midget discrimination?”

The librarian replies,”Top shelf”.

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Dryer

What do you call a dwarf in a tumble dryer?

A midget spinner.

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Humans and Bullet

What’s the difference between humans and a bullet?

Humans miss John Lennon

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Jokes

The Bridge

A beautiful woman is standing on a bridge, looking over the side and thinking about jumping off.

A man walks up to her.  She sees the man coming and says, “Go away! There’s nothing you can say to change my mind!”

He says, “Well, if you’re going to kill yourself anyway, why don’t we have sex? At least I’ll enjoy it.”

“Absolutely not! You’re disgusting!”, she replies.

The man turns and starts walking away.

“Is that all you’re going to say? You’re not going to try to convince me that life is worth living? Where are you going?”

“I have to make it down to the bottom. If I hurry, you’ll still be warm!”, he says.

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Jokes

Criticism

I found my son hanging from a rope in his bedroom. On the floor was a note saying, “I can’t stand the critism anymore.”
I quickly cut him down, gave him CPR and he started to breathe.  As he lay in my arms I saw his eyes slowly open and I said, “That’s not how you spell criticism.”

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Jokes

Pizza

​What’s the difference between a pizza and a hippy chick?

You don’t peel the crust off the pizza before you eat it!